When should I NOT consider psychotherapy?

Sometimes it is not the right time for therapy. While it can help, this may not be the right time for therapy for you if:

Your schedule does not permit meeting regularly. If you cannot meet at least every other week, therapy may not be for you right now. This is because meeting less tends to not provide enough of the timely exploration, support, and reinforcement needed for change. 

You expect things to get better without effort from you. Therapy is like life: you will only get results when you invest. This translates into doing your assigned reading and exercises outside of session as well as in session. Your intentional effort is required. 

You want a decision made for you. Whether from a minister, family member, or someone else, support and advice is both important and helpful. However, psychotherapy is about inviting a neutral outside party to look with you at your life or relationship. While a therapist may offer insight that can benefit you, only you can make a decision.





You want to blame another for all of your problems. Inevitably in life, somebody will do things that are unacceptable to you. While therapy might help you with some of this, it cannot help if you are not willing to take responsibility for yourself. 

You want your therapist to do your work. Experiencing pain in life is often lonely and even frightening. However, enlisting your therapist to do your work will not help you. The role of your therapist is to help you do your own work with self-compassion, insight, and skill.

You are unwilling to be honest with yourself. While there can be good reasons to be less than honest in some relationships, therapy is not one of those. If you withhold information, your therapist will not have what is needed to help. As a result you will find it difficult, if not impossible, to see progress in your work.

The evidence shows psychotherapy can help the quality of your life and deepen your relationship. If you have questions about whether therapy may be right for you, email me here or call 425-247-1880.

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The evidence shows psychotherapy can help. However, this can happen only if you are ready and willing.
​Life can sometimes be difficult.
Love doesn't have to be.


                               Dr. Jeff Kisling
                               Healthy Relationships
                               Healthy Lifestyles
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